I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
