i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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