i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize