and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
