I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
