I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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