I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
