i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
