Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
