Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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