I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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