I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
