You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need to sanitize my soul.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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