I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
