Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
