i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
