you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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