I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
