If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize