Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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