Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
