and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
