I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
