You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
