come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
