i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
