I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
