meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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