i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
