I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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