I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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