im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
