If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sarcasm needs its own font
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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