I'm jealous of your bromance
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
