I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
