Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have aggressive nipples.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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