I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
