You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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