I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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