I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
