Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
