Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
