My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
