I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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