We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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