yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
