I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You work out of a Hotel?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
