Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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