i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
