They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
