We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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