I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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