suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
