I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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