I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
