the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
how does that bad decision feel?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
