Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize