As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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