I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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