Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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