Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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