I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
