I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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