i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
