So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
